solitude

Solitude. That word sounds so…lonely. Now, of course I love to have some quiet time here and there(especially when Aurora is napping), but I am certainly not a fan of large portions of it. I am an extrovert and so I feel most “okay” and enjoying life when I am around people I love. There is nothing wrong with this of course, but lately I have been learning more and more that solitude is a gift as well.

Last Friday, I embarked on the adventure of getting our lovely cat fixed before turning it into an outside cat. The procedure would require dropping Mia off in Fort Wayne (about an hour from our city) at 8am and picking her up at 3:30pm. So, in an attempt to simplify and save some sleep and gas, Aurora and I spent the night at the house of some gracious friends and then planned to keep ourselves busy in the area that day. Although I was looking forward to the brief visit with our friends and had planned a fun thing or two to the following day, I still felt reluctant. You see, it was the first time that I had taken a trip to Fort Wayne, our “day trip vacation” place, by myself. I adore Aurora, but she is different from a husband or friend. I was sad that it would be different this time.

As you can guess, there was a little more going on in life than just a day errand with my daughter and cat. My husband started his new job two weeks ago, and the switch from him being in school and at home frequently to being gone often has been an adjustment to all of us. In one sense, I am thrilled with the blessing of him being able to get a job in his field with a company he respects. In the other sense, the position is new to the company and therefore filled with LOTS of driving (and salary is based on face to face client time) and many undefined responsibilities. Because of this, I know that I won’t fully have my husband again for a little while until he is able to get a better handle on his job. He desperately needs the time to have home as a restful place free of the usual demands on his energy. This season will not be forever, but for now, this is the best way that I can see loving and serving my husband.

So what do we do during periods of life where we face more solitude or others are unable to meet our needs as well? I believe that it gives precious opportunities to both be more comfortable in our own skin and to more fully depend on God. “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. John 15:5 (NIV)” He calls us friends. Imagine! Isaiah 54:5 even takes a further step in intimacy…God identifying himself as “husband” to us. I love how God uses so many different human roles and relationships to describe himself. He is way to complex to be seen as just Creator or just Father or just Judge. Somehow though, he perfectly fulfills each, and I am so in awe of that. I do love these specific roles though. Friend and Husband speak to our desire for companionship…to be known for our good and bad, and still loved. We need this companionship desperately, but our loved ones were never meant to meet our needs perfectly. So when we run to God to meet our needs instead of expecting perfection from our loved ones, we are more free to love them with no strings attached. This is my prayer during this season of life.

Curious what happened on my Fort Wayne day with baby and the cat? I had two surprises…

Our lovely cat, Mia, is a boy! They announced this to me loudly enough that everyone in the waiting room got to have a good laugh, and I sat down with humorous disbelief and a $15 refund. I then got the opportunity to hear a detailed description by a woman beside me about how to decipher cat genitalia. Lesson- Never EVER trust Craigslist! Check for yourself all claims! Especially when searching for an inexpensive female cat online. Oh well. No harm done now that he is fixed anyway. The poor cat is just going to be Mr. Mia until we have a burst of creativity. 😉
I actually loved the day! Did some fun, active things like shopping garage sales, and some quiet peaceful things like just being still with God while enjoying a picnic in the park while Aurora played on a blanket. It gave me hope that I can enjoy life during seasons of greater solitude.

Although I will treasure the times with Brian during this season —I just got to beat him at Disney Monopoly yesterday! ;)—I also am thankful for the lessons that God will teach me too. In end, I would rather become more like Him through struggle, than coast into complacency through things always going as I want. Plus, who knows what gifts God still has to give through the moments of stillness?